In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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