Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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