I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
