pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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