His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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