I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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