I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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