I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
