i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
