At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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