fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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