Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
