Midget sex pt 2 tonight
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse