i permit you to call me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(