Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.