Soap is not a condiment
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon