yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it's like iHOP with fire
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
