Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
