Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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