I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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