Have you finally orgasmed yet?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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