roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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