Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
