He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
