Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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