All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
