did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
