I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
