If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
