about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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