my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
