the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
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There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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