I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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