She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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