Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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