garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
