oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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