Don't you send me to vm
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
