don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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