i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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