We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
