well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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