dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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