We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
