We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
