How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
