just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have so many feelings about this burrito
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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