Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
