Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
