i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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