I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I believe in your delicious
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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