I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this boner is exhausting
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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