addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
