Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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