if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Randomize
