so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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