there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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