This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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