Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
