I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
