um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
