Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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