yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
