**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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