he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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