Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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