I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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