yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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