Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
