I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
