Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
