I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
