You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
