cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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