He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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