There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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