I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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