when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
