So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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