i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
