The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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