Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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